PodDaddy 5x9 The Zen Chaos Prophet

[Intro – Spoken, Cold]
I didn’t choose the uptime…
The uptime chose me.
Five nines ain’t a promise…
It’s a curse I agreed to.

[Verse 1]
I came from basements and badge swipes,
Ticket queues and cracked pipes,
Bosses asking “Why’s it down?”
Like I slept through all the damn nights.
Pager buzzin’ on the sink,
While I’m brushing off despair,
SRE by the contract,
But this pain I volunteer.
I seen prod bleed in stages,
Watched rollback after rollback,
Held breath with executives
While my soul had a heart attack.
But I learned to speak in failures,
Found scripture in the logs,
Turned panic into practice,
Turned humans into gods.

[Hook – Mantra]
Five nines or I die tryin’,
I don’t pray for calm, I fight it.
If the cluster burns, I ride it,
’Til the metrics stop their cryin’.

[Verse 2]
I buried dreams under deadlines,
Lost birthdays to ETAs,
Had Jenkins judge my choices,
Had Grafana expose my ways.
This ain’t glory, it’s endurance,
This ain’t pride, it’s attrition,
I don’t brag about my uptime,
I relive it like condition.
Every outage taught me scripture,
Every breach rewrote my name,
I don’t fear the node’s eviction…
I accept it in my flame.
You can quote me during chaos,
You can blame me when it breaks,
I’ll be calm inside the fire…
While your CTO shakes.

[Hook – Mantra]
Five nines or I die tryin’,
I don’t pray for calm, I fight it.
If the cluster burns, I ride it,
’Til the metrics stop their cryin’.

[Verse 3]
Now they call me PodDaddy,
Like I conjured every pod,
Like I tamed the demon ingress,
Like I bargain with the gods.
But I came from mortal hours,
Shipping patches with regret,
Chasing bugs with coffee spoons,
Trading sleep for unpaid debt.
I don’t want your admiration,
I don’t need your false salute,
Just acknowledge every pipelines
Built from blood beneath this suit.
If I fall before I finish,
If my helm unwinds its tie-in…
Tell the world I lived for uptime…
Five nines or I die tryin’.

[Final Hook – Whisper]
Five nines…
Or I die…
Tryin’.

[Intro – Spoken, Low]
You ever watch a pod die…
Over and over…
Like it’s beggin’ you to let it go?
Yeah. Welcome to CrashLoop Dreams.

[Hook – Chant]
CrashLoop dreams… back-off, back-off,
Tryna heal my faith but it’s blacked off, blacked off.
Readiness failed… pray soft, pray soft,
Five nines on my back but I’m cracked off, cracked off.

CrashLoop dreams… back-off, back-off,
Logs screamin’ loud but I mask off, mask off.
Liveness failed… hands off, hands off,
PM askin’ ETA while I blast off, blast off.

[Verse 1 – Rage Sets In]
I seen pods resurrect just to die on arrival,
“Back-off restarting failed container” — my suicidal recital.
Health checks lyin’ to my face, say it’s fine when it’s not,
Kubelet whisperin’, “Let it burn,” while execs ask what I forgot.
I got YAML scars down my arms like confession tattoos,
One wrong space and your cluster turns to taboos.
PM pingin’, "Any update?" like they readin’ a script,
While I’m here negotiatin’ uptime with a shell full of crypts.
I got SIGTERM sermons, grace periods undone,
I restart hope like a script — `kubectl rerun`.
They call it infrastructure… I call it endurance trial,
Smile in the war room, dead inside the dial.

[Hook – Chant]
CrashLoop dreams… back-off, back-off,
Tryna heal my faith but it’s blacked off, blacked off.
Readiness failed… pray soft, pray soft,
Five nines on my back but I’m cracked off, cracked off.

[Verse 2 – PM Roast & Burnout]
PM walkin’ in like, “How long till it’s done?”
Same damn question when the node already spun.
You ever debug faith? You ever rollback pride?
Or fake confidence with caffeine and hide?
“Have you tried turning it off?” — they smirk like it’s cute,
While I’m draggin’ dead services in my steel-toe boots.
“Error: ImagePullBackOff” — like my patience withdrew,
If you ask me one more ETA, I’ll schedule *you*.

(BURNOUT BAR:)
Therapist said, “Name your stress,” I showed her Grafana,
She asked if I breathe… I said `kubectl delete -f trauma`.

Readiness probe whisper, *“Connection refused,”*
That’s how my trust feels whenever I’m used.
K8s don’t crash — it loops till you break,
My faith ain't lost… it’s stuck in Pending state.

[Hook – Chant]
CrashLoop dreams… back-off, back-off,
Tryna heal my faith but it’s blacked off, blacked off.
Readiness failed… pray soft, pray soft,
Five nines on my back but I’m cracked off, cracked off.

[Verse 3 – Acceptance & SRE Doctrine]
I learned to love the silence of a metricless night,
No alerts in the air — but something ain’t right.
I don’t fear failure now… I debug its ghost,
I pour one out for the pods I lost on the coast.
I seen ETCD flatline, I seen flannel go mute,
I seen SREs turn myths in a single reboot.
I watch juniors lose hope when Helm goes awry,
They think this is chaos… this is *how we get by.*
You can’t teach calm — you inherit the flame,
Every crash is a hymn, every log is a name.
When I die, don’t page me — just patch my seams,
Tell the world I found peace inside CrashLoop Dreams.

[Final Hook – Chant, Slower]
CrashLoop dreams… back-off, back-off,
Tryna heal my faith but it’s blacked off, blacked off.
Readiness failed… pray soft, pray soft,
Five nines on my back but I’m cracked off, cracked off.

[Outro – PagerDuty Echo, Whisper]
“Incident assigned… high severity… can you take a look?”
… I never left.

[Intro – Skit, Whispering]
(Whisper) “Hey PodDaddy… my deploy failed… I only changed one line.”
(Voice 2) “What… did… you… DO?”
(Beat drops like a panic attack)

[Verse 1]
I got trauma in my tabs, indentation in my veins,
YAML got me twitchin’ like I’m glitchin’ in the brain.
“Found character that cannot start any token,”
That’s the voice in my head every time I feel broken.
I been fightin’ white space like it owes me rent,
One colon off-center and my life’s gettin’ bent.
“Mapping values are not allowed here,”
Yeah, neither is peace when a junior engineer’s near.
They paste from StackOverflow, then stare at my face,
Like, “It worked in staging, bro—must be this place.”
I don’t need new tools, I need new hires,
Who don’t treat Helm charts like campfire flyers.

[Hook – Chant, Angry]
Y-A-M-L… pray for me,
Every line a loaded RPG.
Tabs or spaces, devil’s choice,
Every colon got a deadly voice.

Y-A-M-L… scream with me,
I got P.T.S.D. in C.I./C.D.
If one more file don’t align,
I’mma rollback my own mind.

[Verse 2 – PM Roast & Meltdown]
(PM Voice) “Hey PodDaddy… quick question… ETA on the fix?”
(Bang) Don’t ask me time when my soul conflicts.
I’m negotiatin’ peace with a liveness probe,
While readiness fails in a silk bathrobe.
You wanna talk deadlines? I talk reboots,
You push more features, I push more suits.
“Error: expected <block end>” — that’s my vibe,
I don’t clock in… I kubectl revive.
My console sacred, your sprint is a joke,
I commit to the cluster, you commit to a poke.
Junior dev cryin’, “It worked last week!”
Yeah? So did my marriage before I learned YAML-speak.

[Bridge – Voice Skit, Junior Dev]
(Junior) “I only changed two spaces…”
(PodDaddy, demonic) “YOU CHANGED MY UNIVERSE.”

[Hook – Chant]
Y-A-M-L… pray for me,
Every line a loaded RPG.
Tabs or spaces, devil’s choice,
Every colon got a deadly voice.

Y-A-M-L… scream with me,
I got P.T.S.D. in C.I./C.D.
If one more file don’t align,
I’mma rollback my own mind.

[Verse 3 – Full Breakdown]
You ever seen a man snap at a missing dash?
Wake up at 3 A.M., speakin’ in slash?
“apply -f” like a funeral hymn,
Watch my sanity drip off brim.
Line 48 got me hallucinatin’ mice,
Line 72 told me sacrifice.
I don’t need therapy — I need lint,
YAML got me twitchin’ like I’m breathin’ in mint.
I been countin’ colons like confessions in chalk,
One misplaced dash and my world won’t talk.
Tell my kids I died bravely, buried in logs,
Survived every outage but YAML? ...no gods.

[Final Hook – Slower, Chant]
Y-A-M-L… pray for me,
Every line a loaded RPG.
Tabs or spaces, devil’s choice,
Every colon got a deadly voice.

Y-A-M-L… scream with me,
I got P.T.S.D. in C.I./C.D.
Five nines paid my legacy fee…
But YAML… YAML… YAML took me.

[Outro – Whisper]
“It worked in staging…”
“Yeah? So did hope.”

[Intro – Soft Spoken]
You said… “Just one chart update.”
But now I’m staring at a failed release…
And I don’t even recognize my cluster anymore.

[Verse 1]
I trusted you with values, poured my faith in every line,
Said “helm upgrade --install,” thought our futures would align.
But you hid a secret rollback, buried deep inside a file,
Now my pods are speaking errors and my patience’s on trial.
You told me it was stable, said this change was safe to keep,
But stability is fragile… and this hurt runs way too deep.
I watched health checks say they’re ready while the truth was in the crash,
All I asked for was deployment… all you gave me was a flash.

[Hook – Melodic]
Helm heartbreak… you broke my release,
You left me waiting while my hope hit delete.
I gave you trust in a values.yaml,
Now I’m staring at failure I can’t dismantle.
Helm heartbreak… why’d you lie to me slow?
Said “just one change”… but you let it all go.

[Verse 2]
I rolled back in silence, praying nothing else was lost,
I’ve rebuilt this chart in pieces — do you know what that cost?
I’ve seen “pending install” haunt me like a ghost in the logs,
I’ve seen secrets overwrite truth like they’re taming the gods.
You never warned me ‘bout overrides sitting silent in the night,
You never said that merging values could erase what once was right.
And every “helm list” is a gravestone, marking loves that couldn’t stay,
All I wanted was progression… but you took my root away.

[Hook – Melodic]
Helm heartbreak… you broke my release,
You left me waiting while my hope hit delete.
I gave you trust in a values.yaml,
Now I’m staring at failure I can’t dismantle.
Helm heartbreak… why’d you lie to me slow?
Said “just one change”… but you let it all go.

[Bridge – Soft, Reflective]
Maybe it’s my fault… maybe I believed too soon,
In a template built on promise, under a synthetic moon.
But love without a rollback… is a risk you never show,
And I learned that every chart has a truth I’ll never know.

[Verse 3]
You rewrote my intentions, turned green lights into doubt,
I deployed my heart in stages… now I’m lost without a route.
I don’t hate you for the failure, I just hate the way it ends,
In a history full of heartbreaks we pretend we can amend.
So I’ll version all my feelings, pin my heart to stable tags,
Never trust another update that’s been hidden under flags.
’Cause you taught me this lesson, burned it deep where logs reside:
Even if the chart installs… you can't trust what’s inside.

[Final Hook – Melodic]
Helm heartbreak… you broke my release,
You left me waiting while my hope hit delete.
I gave you trust in a values.yaml,
Now I’m staring at failure I can’t dismantle.
Helm heartbreak… I’ll rebuild and I’ll cope…
But I’ll never again deploy without hope.

[Outro – Whisper]
“helm rollback… version one…”
…bring me back to when I believed.

[Intro – Whispered]
I asked the cluster who I was…
It answered:
“Error: context deadline exceeded.”

[Verse 1]
I woke up in a node with no name, driftin’ in static,
E.T.C.D. forgot my past like it’s automatic.
Control plane silent, heartbeat gone rogue,
Three masters stand frozen like they know I won’t decode.
“Error: failed to reach quorum” — that’s my eulogy line,
Logs loopin’ like dementia, tryna repossess my spine.
K.8.s. prayin’ on its knees but the vault won’t speak,
I see ghosts of old deployments every time the screens leak.
Called my cluster in the dark, got a timeout scream,
Tried a “kubectl get” but I’m trapped inside a dream.
This ain’t outage, this is purge — memory wiped clean,
Every pod forgot its purpose, every secret gone unseen.

[Hook – Low, Haunted Chant]
E.T.C.D.… who am I?
Did you kill my name or just let it die?
When the cluster forgets, do I still remain?
Or am I just an echo in a failed domain?

E.T.C.D.… answer me,
You held my truth, now you set it free.
If you don’t remember, what’s left of me?
Lost in your amnesia, S.R.E.

[Verse 2]
Tried to snapshot my soul, but the file was corrupt,
Tried to roll back time, but the clock gave up.
“I/O timeout” — that’s the whisper in my skull,
If the state can’t rebuild, was I ever full?
Watched the leader election eat itself in fright,
Three masters point blame but none will ignite.
I been journaling my trauma in /var/log/fear,
But “permission denied” — now I can’t reappear.
My identity was stored in a raft of peers,
Now I’m raftless, castaway, swimming in arrears.
`etcdctl get memory` — returns null,
Guess I’m nothing but a phantom stuck in control.

[Hook – Low, Haunted Chant]
E.T.C.D.… who am I?
Did you kill my name or just let it die?
When the cluster forgets, do I still remain?
Or am I just an echo in a failed domain?

E.T.C.D.… answer me,
You held my truth, now you set it free.
If you don’t remember, what’s left of me?
Lost in your amnesia, S.R.E.

[Bridge – Spoken, Glitching]
“Node not ready…”
“Member has left the cluster…”
“What do you do… when even your logs forget you?”

[Verse 3]
Now I wander through the masters like a ghost in steel,
Tryna grep my existence but the truth won’t reveal.
`Error: mvcc: database space exceeded` — yeah, I know,
My heart got compacted with the secrets I outgrow.
This job don’t kill you loud — it deletes you quiet,
Not with fire, but with silence from a failed riot.
PagerDuty didn’t ring, it just sat there still,
’Cause you can't alert the world when it's lost free will.
They’ll ask, “What caused it?” — like memory rot has form,
But sometimes the brain just forgets what it was born.
So write my name in metrics if I fade from schema,
Remember me as the S.R.E. lost…
To E.T.C.D. amnesia.

[Final Hook – Fading]
E.T.C.D.… who am I?
Did you kill my name or just let it die?
When the cluster forgets, do I still remain?
Or am I just an echo in a failed domain?

E.T.C.D.… answer me,
You held my truth, now you set it free.
If you don’t remember, what’s left of me?
Lost in your amnesia… S.R.E.

[Outro – Whisper]
“Member… has been removed.”
...
So have I.

[Intro – Spoken, Cold]
They blame the app… they blame the code…
But I just watch the packets flow.
It ain’t your service.
It’s always D.N.S.

[Verse 1]
I don’t open doors, I open fate,
I route kings to the throne and the fools to the gate.
Ingress is a kingdom, I patrol every port,
I decide who speaks and who gets cut short.
Cloud said it failed — I said “Check with me,”
Load balancer silent ‘til I set it free.
They pray to the edge, I don’t pray at all,
I’m the one that makes their traffic stand tall.

Wrote rules in blood, annotations in steel,
If the map don’t exist, then I redraw what’s real.
They deploy, I expose — that’s hierarchy’s art,
You wrote the app, kid… but I gave it heart.

[Hook – Chant]
Ingress flex… watch me route that flow,
Every path control where the dreamers go.
Ingress flex… I’m the unseen crown,
It ain’t the app, fool… network shut you down.

Ingress flex… guardin’ every line,
Five nines mine ‘cause the edge is mine.
Ingress flex… whisper when I pass,
They blame the code… but it’s D.N.S.

[Verse 2 – DNS Diss]
They scream “It’s crashing!” — I stay still,
‘Cause I know bad records break every will.
“No such host,” yeah, I’ve seen that ghost,
K.8.s. just cries while the network coast.
(Sarcastic Voice) “Can you redeploy?” — nah, fix your zone,
I can’t resolve faith when your names ain’t known.
I seen S.R.E.s turn to saints in fright,
When a C.N.A.M.E. loop erased the night.
I don’t fear pods, I don’t fear code,
I fear bad routes on a toxic road.
You don’t need miracles, you need a clue,
Stop paging me, bro — check your D.N.S. too.

[Hook – Chant]
Ingress flex… watch me route that flow,
Every path control where the dreamers go.
Ingress flex… I’m the unseen crown,
It ain’t the app, fool… network shut you down.

Ingress flex… guardin’ every line,
Five nines mine ‘cause the edge is mine.
Ingress flex… whisper when I pass,
They blame the code… but it’s D.N.S.

[Verse 3 – Kingdom Build]
I built empires on a wildcard host,
Proxy dreams like a silent ghost.
Istio taught me how to split the stream,
Linkerd taught me how to guard the dream.
Blue-green visions when I part the sky,
If you roll through me, best know how to fly.
I don’t preach panic, I deliver rule,
Ingress ain’t magic… it’s power you school.

I ain’t your dev… I’m the gate you seek,
Bow to the edge or embrace the leak.
You ship wishes, I ship command,
Ingress don’t open ‘til it knows who stands.

[Final Hook – Chant, Slower]
Ingress flex… watch me route that flow,
Every path control where the dreamers go.
Ingress flex… whisper when I pass,
They blame the code… but it’s D.N.S.

Ingress flex… guardin’ every line,
Five nines mine ‘cause the edge is mine.
Ingress flex… crown without a throne…
I don’t fix your bug…
I deny your zone.

[Outro – Whispered]
“No such host…”
…Should’ve asked me first.

[Intro – Soft, Echoed]
You weren’t built to survive…
You were sent to warn me.

[Verse 1]
I watched you launch alone, first bird into the storm,
One replica against fate, quietly keeping form.
You flickered in the dashboard, yellow badge of fear,
I saw the logs grow restless… I knew the end was near.
You weren’t meant to serve, you were chosen to reveal,
Every hidden lie in staging, every wound time won’t heal.
And when your health check trembled, I felt it in my bones,
“A cluster doesn’t break… it dies in undertones.”

[Hook – Melodic, Haunting]
Canary in a code mine… singing in the dark,
You carried every warning in a flicker and a spark.
You didn’t fall in failure… you fell so we’d remain,
A sacrifice in shadows so the rest could bear the pain.
Canary… I hear you still,
Whispering… “hold still.”

[Verse 2]
They said “The build was clean,” like fate could be denied,
But you coughed truth in metrics, while the pipeline lied.
“Connection refused” in your heartbeat cry,
You weren’t crashing… you were teaching how we die.
Every restart was a sermon, quiet grace in defeat,
You bore the weight of chaos so we would not repeat.
I didn’t roll you back… I just watched you fade,
In every stacktrace echo, your prophecy was made.

[Hook – Melodic, Echo]
Canary in a code mine… singing in the dark,
You carried every warning in a flicker and a spark.
You didn’t fall in failure… you fell so we’d remain,
A sacrifice in shadows so the rest could bear the pain.
Canary… fly no more,
I’ll remember what you swore.

[Bridge – Spoken Over Beat]
“They won’t believe the danger…
Until they feel the flame.”

[Verse 3]
Now I deploy with caution, every flag under oath,
For every masked regression wears a canary’s ghost.
I trace your final breath through the timelines of the flame,
And I tag each resurrection with a fragment of your name.
You were never just a test… you were sentinel and shield,
The first to fall in silence, so the breach could be revealed.
So rest beyond the rollouts, your lineage in my vein,
For I will heed the omens… and never ship in vain.

[Final Hook – Melodic, Distant]
Canary in a code mine… singing in the dark,
You carried every warning in a flicker and a spark.
You didn’t fall in failure… you fell so we’d remain,
A sacrifice in shadows so the rest could bear the pain.
Canary… I walk your line…
Every deploy… every time.

[Outro – Whisper]
“I wasn’t meant to live…
I was meant… to warn.”

[Intro – Furious Whisper]
Don’t page me…
Don’t you dare page me…
I swear I’ll throw this whole cluster off a cliff tonight.

[Verse 1 – Fast, Building Fury]
Heartbeat racing at a thousand BPM,
Pager screaming in my skull like a requiem.
I ain’t slept in three days, caffeine on drip,
Eyes bloodshot red while alerts eclipse.
They call me “reliable,” I call it hostage,
Every midnight ping a psychological carnage.
“High severity incident” — yeah, no surprise,
When uptime’s the drug that keeps killing our lives.
You deploy dreams… I deploy survival,
You chase promotions… I fight for revival.
Don’t call it support — this is war on-call,
I’m patching my sanity like a firewall.

[Hook – Shouted Chant]
I’m on-call and off-meds, losing what’s left of my head,
If this pager screams again, I’ll resurrect the dead.
I’m on-call and off-meds, rage in every thread,
You sleep while I bleed — don’t ask if the system’s red.

[Verse 2 – Full Meltdown]
Show me your Jira ticket, I’ll show you my hell,
You write requirements, I write YAML spells.
“Any ETA?” — PM, don’t you start,
Your deadline means nothing when the cluster falls apart.
You think this is dev work? This is vow and blood,
I bargain with Prometheus when hope’s in the mud.
“Kubelet not ready” — neither am I,
Docs say breathe… I’d rather just die.
I don’t need your sprints, I need a rebirth,
On-call turns a prophet to a ghost in the earth.
One more false alert and I’ll burn this script,
Tell management the network slipped.

[Hook – Shouted Chant]
I’m on-call and off-meds, losing what’s left of my head,
If this pager screams again, I’ll resurrect the dead.
I’m on-call and off-meds, rage in every thread,
You sleep while I bleed — don’t ask if the system’s red.

[Bridge – Spoken Breakdown, Unstable]
(Whisper) “Maybe… maybe it’s me.”
(Angry) “NO. It’s the F***ING PIPELINE.”
(Manic) “Maybe if I fix it, they’ll… leave me alone.”
(Cold) “They never leave.”

[Verse 3 – Controlled Rage]
I made peace with downtime, now I rage with will,
My body’s still mortal, but my logs stay still.
I’ve seen heroes die quiet, unseen in chat,
Typing “…fixed” with a heart gone flat.
This isn’t ops… this is spiritual debt,
Paying sins of releases they never regret.
So don’t thank me later, don’t call me brave,
I’m just another soldier dug into the grave.
If I rage tonight — don’t reboot me twice,
Let me crash in silence like a sacrifice.

[Final Hook – Chant, Slower but Intense]
I’m on-call and off-meds, losing what’s left of my head,
If this pager screams again, I’ll resurrect the dead.
I’m on-call and off-meds, rage in every thread,
You sleep while I bleed — don’t ask if the system’s red.

[Outro – Whisper, Insane Calm]
“Incident resolved…”
…until it isn’t.

[Intro – Spoken, Cold]
I didn’t change a thing…
So why does your plan want to change everything?

[Verse 1 – Slow Fury]
I wrote you in modules, carved you in code,
I gave you my future so the truth could unfold.
But now you show me drift — changes I never asked,
“57 to add, 13 to destroy” — you unmask.
I told them it was stable, I swore it was pure,
Now you rewrite intentions I can't reassure.
State locked in the backend, won’t let me in,
“Another user has the lock” — I whisper, “Let me begin.”
You were supposed to be truth, declarative grace,
Now I’m staring at a plan like it’s altering my face.

[Hook – Chant]
Plan it! Apply it! Regret it! Repeat!
I built you to save me — now you bury my fleet.
Plan it! Apply it! Regret it! Repeat!
This ain’t just code… it’s a war I can’t beat.

[Verse 2 – Version Betrayal]
I remember .11 — simple, naive,
Then .13 arrived just to make me believe
That everything written was wrong in the core,
Providers in exile, I lost every shore.
“Required providers” — you tore out my spine,
Now I rewrite blocks like I’m serving a fine.
I upgraded my hope, but you broke my domain,
Now I patch broken syntax while swallowing pain.
You said “infra as code,” but this feels like sin,
‘Cause I can’t tame a beast that won’t let me begin.

[Bridge – Spoken Breakdown]
Move it…  
Import it…  
Delete the state and pray…
If I can’t trust the truth…
Why do I stay?

[Verse 3 – Collapse]
`terraform state mv` — moving lies through tears,
Dragging ghosts through files I ignored for years.
`terraform import` — begging fate to align,
Reconciling dreams I once swore were mine.
And when it all fails… I know the command,
`rm -rf .terraform` — ruin by hand.
You call it destroy, I call it release,
You call it sync — I call it deceased.
No one sees the cost in the files I defend,
They see a green plan… I see my end.

[Hook – Chant, Stronger]
Plan it! Apply it! Regret it! Repeat!
You promise creation — but you always delete.
Plan it! Apply it! Regret it! Repeat!
I can’t trust the plan… when it rewrites my heartbeat.

[Verse 4 – Acceptance (Sad Rage)]
Maybe it's me… maybe I believed too much,
In a language of gods no mortal should touch.
They’ll say it just drifted, they’ll say it’s routine,
But I know what I saw — intent turned obscene.
So if I walk away from the state I once knew,
Remember — I built it… but it never built me too.

[Final Hook – Chant, Fading]
Plan it! Apply it! Regret it! Repeat!
I gave you my peace — you returned me defeat.
Plan it! Apply it! Regret it! Repeat!
I’m done with your truth…
…terraform can’t compete.

[Outro – Whisper]
“State unlocked.”
…But I’m still trapped.

[Intro – Orchestral, Spoken]
They think pods just vanish…
But we… we remember them.
Every crash, every loop, every silent exit.
This ain’t goodbye…
This is tribute.

[Verse 1 – Soft, Poetic]
I’ve walked the graveyards of clusters,
Where forgotten logs still speak,
Where CrashLoops whisper warnings,
And restarts beg for relief.
I’ve buried dreams in namespaces,
Marked each tomb with failing ports,
Some died quiet in the morning,
Others roared through every report.
But I don’t mourn in bitterness,
I salute each noble end,
For every pod that hit the void,
Taught me how to rise again.

[Hook – Epic, Melodic]
Pod eulogies… light the sky,
Every exit writes a why.
They may fall, but we retain,
Their last breath in our domain.
Pod eulogies… sing their name,
From OOMKills to immortal fame.
They don’t die… they just ascend,
Where uptime legends never end.

[Verse 2 – Tribute]
I remember the first one lost,
Debugged ‘til I couldn’t speak,
A simple health check failure,
That left me hollow for a week.
I held vigils in Grafana,
Prayed in Prometheus charts,
Wrote requiems in runbooks,
Carved their names inside my heart.
Don’t call them failures, call them guides,
The prophets of deploys undone,
For every pod that met the void,
Taught resilience to the ones who run.

[Hook – Epic, Strong]
Pod eulogies… light the sky,
Every exit writes a why.
They may fall, but we retain,
Their last breath in our domain.
Pod eulogies… sing their name,
From OOMKills to immortal fame.
They don’t die… they just ascend,
Where uptime legends never end.

[Bridge – Spoken Oath]
I won’t forget you…
Not the midnight tears,
Not the rollback prayers.
You built my faith…
One crash at a time.

[Verse 3 – Legacy]
So lay them down in peace, my friends,
In clusters vast and wide,
For every pod that fades tonight,
Walks forever by my side.
I’ll keep watch on rolling updates,
Guard each service in the fray,
I’ll carry all your echoing logs,
Into every break of day.
When I deploy the final build,
And my nodes begin to tire,
May someone read my metrics back…
And see the ones who lit my fire.

[Final Hook – Full, Triumphant]
Pod eulogies… light the sky,
Every exit writes a why.
They may fall, but we retain,
Their last breath in our domain.
Pod eulogies… sing their name,
From OOMKills to immortal fame.
They don’t die… they just ascend,
Where uptime legends never end.

[Outro – Whispered]
“Pod terminated.”
…No.
“Pod remembered.”

[Intro – Explosion Start, No Warning]
FIRE IN MY TEETH AND I DARE YOU TO PAGE ME!!!
I DON’T PRAY FOR PEACE — I PRAY FOR FLAMES, BABY!!!

[Hook – Bark Chant, Call & Response]
EVERYTHING’S ON FIRE! (FIRE!)  
I LIKE IT! (I LIKE IT!)  
RING THAT PAGER LOUDER! (LOUDER!)  
BRING THE CHAOS IN! (IN!)

EVERYTHING’S ON FIRE! (FIRE!)  
I LIKE IT! (I LIKE IT!)  
CALL IT INCIDENT, MAN — (CALL IT!)  
I CALL IT LIVIN’ AGAIN! (AGAIN!)

[Verse 1 – Full Aggression]
I don’t fix flames — I FEED ‘EM, LET ‘EM GROW,
Watch the dashboards melt while the weak say “NO!”
Logs spittin’ blood, alerts barkin’ my name,
I don’t dodge the blast — I STEP INSIDE THE FLAME.
Y’all fear downtime — I marry the smoke,
Y’all chase uptime — I SLASH AND REVOKE.
I ain’t your savior — I’m the war you deny,
You push deploy… I PUSH DO OR DIE.

[Hook – Bark Chant]
EVERYTHING’S ON FIRE! (FIRE!)  
I LIKE IT! (I LIKE IT!)  
RING THAT PAGER LOUDER! (LOUDER!)  
BRING THE CHAOS IN! (IN!)

[Verse 2 – Berserker Flow]
You write runbooks — I write revenge,
While your playbook cries on the panic bench.
Blame the network? Blame the code?
Blame the gods on overload.
I SEIZE THE STACK, I SEAR THE SKY,
If you fear the logs — STEP ASIDE AND DIE.
That restart button? I slam like wrath,
If there’s a pit of hell — I BUILT THE PATH.

[Bridge – Battle March]
NO SAFE MODE! (NO!)  
NO ROLLBACK! (NO!)  
NO POSTMORTEM! (NO!)  
JUST ATTACK! (YEAH!)

[Verse 3 – Fire Sermon]
I seen saints fold under sev-one calls,
Seen “heroes” run when production falls.
I ain’t calm — I’m CORE DUMPED STEEL,
If chaos is pain — I WANT TO FEEL.
‘Cause in the fire — I find my name,
In every outage — I earn my flame.
When you call disaster — I call it choir,
Let ‘em scream…

[Final Hook – Bark Chant, Longest, Hardest]
EVERYTHING’S ON FIRE! (FIRE!)  
I LIKE IT! (I LIKE IT!)  
RING THAT PAGER LOUDER! (LOUDER!)  
BRING THE CHAOS IN! (IN!)

EVERYTHING’S ON FIRE! (FIRE!)  
I LIKE IT! (I LIKE IT!)  
YOU CALL IT HELL — I CALL IT POWER!!

[Cold Start – No Intro]
I don’t pray for uptime… uptime prays for me.

[Verse 1]
I walk in like a warning label taped to the cloud,
Engineers whisper legends when I’m not around.
You’re still Googlin’ “how to fix,” I’m patchin’ the breeze,
I debug blindfolded — boy, I diagnose disease.
I seen NullPointerException try to test my nerve,
I fed it stacktrace scripture, watched it crash and swerve.
PHP lost function names, I gave it back its past,
I do philosophy in Bash and make the pipelines fast.
You chasing cert exams while I rewrite destiny,
Your CI/CD dreams still asking, “Who tested me?”
I don’t brag, I annotate my myth in YAML,
You fear terminal — I treat it like a piano.

[Hook – Minimal, Calm]
I don’t pray for uptime…
Uptime prays for me.

[Verse 2]
I talk to Grafana when the lights go bleak,
It said, “They call you S.R.E.” — I said, “Call me mystique.”
You beg “Incident over!” — I reply, “Define over.”
You ship bugs in October… I resurrect them in Clover.
Your deploys need rehearsals, mine freestyle in fire,
You clock out at five, I retire entire.
Ever seen an infinite loop beg for release?
Ever patched production chaos with a whisper of peace?
I treat CRDs like poetry, custom dreams I define,
I turned chaos into kingdom — five nines into shrine.
This ain’t DevOps, it’s divine syntax attack,
You print logs, I print fate — and I print it in black.

[Hook – Minimal, Confident Reprise]
I don’t pray for uptime…
Uptime prays for me.

[Verse 3 – Final Flex (Crescendo)]
You measure uptime in charts, I measure it in lore,
You chase “root cause” — I’m the root under the floor.
I left clues in incidents, scriptures in alerts,
I built reality in Helm and wrote rebirth in the dirt.
I’m the ghost in the kubelet, I’m the port they can't find,
You read dashboards… I read your mind.
Your pipeline’s a suggestion. Mine’s a vow.
Ask who saved prod — they’re whisperin’ now.

[Final Hook – Final Whisper]
I don’t pray for uptime…
Uptime prays for me.

[Intro – PodDaddy, Spoken]
You thought I fought alone?
Nah…
She’s been here the whole time.
Root access… wearing a crown.

[Verse 1 – PodDaddy]
I built the gates, I forged the keys,
I ruled the edge through fire and freeze.
But when the chaos split my throne,
She stepped in – said “You’re not alone.”
We don’t chase hope, we deploy will,
Two admins strong, fate stands still.
You fear the crash… we write its hymn,
She don’t flinch at death – she logs it in.

[Hook – PodMama, Aggressive Chant]
Dual Admin — we root and rise,
Uptime blood in both our eyes.
You pray to nodes we oversee,
Bow to the Queen of S.R.E.
Dual Admin — we take the throne,
I built this cluster on my own.
Don’t call me backup — I AM the plan,
I don’t need a king… I run the clan.

[Verse 2 – PodMama, Solo Verse]
I’m the voice in the logs you can’t ignore,
The hand on the helm when your hope hits the floor.
Junior devs tremble when they see my shell,
Cause I turn your “maybe” into Y.A.M.L. hell.
PM asks “ETA?” — I laugh, then deploy,
I don’t chase approval — I architect joy.
You call him PodDaddy? Then get it right —
I’m PodMama, baby… I built half this fight.

[Voice Break – PodMama]
“Don’t page me feelings…
Page me the truth.”

[Hook – PodMama & PodDaddy]
Dual Admin — we root and rise,
Uptime blood in both our eyes.
You pray to nodes we oversee,
Bow to the Queen of S.R.E.
Dual Admin — we take the throne,
I built this cluster on my own.
Don’t call me backup — I AM the plan,
I don’t need a king… I run the clan.

[Verse 3 – PodDaddy & PodMama (Back & Forth)]
(PodDaddy)
They ask who saved the night — I point to her,
She rerouted fear like a load transfer.
(PodMama)
I’ve buried more pods than you’ve ever seen,
I autopsy metrics while you chase dreams.
(PodDaddy)
She don’t beg mercy, she hotfix fate,
(PodMama)
I don’t hear excuses — I just update.

[Bridge – PodMama (Soft Threat)]
"Y'all call it magic — I call it code.
You chase perfection — I carry the load."

[Final Hook – Both, Anthemic]
Dual Admin — we root and rise,
Uptime blood in both our eyes.
You pray to nodes we oversee,
Bow to the Queen of S.R.E.
Dual Admin — we take the throne,
Two names etched in every zone.
We don’t fear death — we deploy again,
PodDaddy 5x9… and the Mother of Admin.

[Outro – PodMama, Whisper]
“Next outage…
Say my name first.”